Achievements
I am not here to discuss what achievements are. We all know what achievements mean. I want to instead talk about the inexorable ways in which achievements and the anticipation of achievements change our lives. We are always so focused on achieving the next best thing that we lose sight of so much else. Our lives then begin to be defined solely by our achievements and everything else gets sidelined. This is quite toxic and most of us don’t even talk about it.
Growing up, I lived a somewhat comfortable existence in Bhagalpur, a town located in the state of Bihar, on the banks of the river Ganges. As was usual during that time(and to a lot of extent even today), my parents always placed a lot of emphasis on education — be it getting all the assignments done on time, be it getting good grades in exams, be it finding the best tutors in town for me, or anything else that’d help stand out academically. At the time, for me the next thing to achieve was always to score well in the upcoming exams. There were a total of three exams(besides the periodic class tests) in each grade — Quarterly, Half-yearly and Annual exams. I remember that I didn’t stop to question what those even meant until much later, when I was in the eighth grade. For me back then, Quarterly meant the month of April, Half-yearly meant the month of October and Annual meant the month of March. The hustling had begun back then, I just didn’t have the right label to assign to what was going back then. If I scored well in the Quarterly exams, I could feel a little relaxed taking the Half-yearly exams. If I bombed the Quarterly exams, it would almost always prove to be a long summer. And then there was the constant competition with the classmates. What are exams without the competition, right? I hadn’t yet reached the age at which one, in a flash of inspiration realizes that the real competition is the one in which one competes against themselves, and not with others. Hence, much of my life was spent comparing my scores with my classmates’ scores, and then trying to make sense of it, before realizing that I was running out of time for preparation for the upcoming exams.
It was not the most glamorous way to live for sure. At a young age, we aren’t mature enough to think beyond what’s just apparent. Thus in my formative years, I became fixated on achieving the next best thing over and over again. I began to sacrifice sleep, trying to score more than my classmate who lived next door, and once I had scored more than him, I sacrificed even more sleep trying to score even higher. Even though that feeling of having accomplished something lasted only for a short while, I was willing to sacrifice my health among a lot of other things to be able to feel accomplished. And why not? Your clout increased in direct proportion to your scores. This was iterated by classmates, parents, teachers at school, tutors outside school, and even neighbors. Neighbors were quite interested to know how I fared in the exams, and back then I even felt the need to appease them, something that seems utterly foolish in hindsight.
Back then, achievement meant to score well, to stand first in class(even though I never did), to finish all the assignments, and so much else in the same vein. Now, even though most of what I did then makes sense and even essential in some sense, this idea of achievement being always just elusive took root during those years. I don’t want to simplify it by saying that the journey matters more than the destination. In some cases, it does, in others, it does not. I think what matters is this: We should realize the process as we take part in it and see it for what it is. In the race that is our life, we forget that our lasting happiness lies not in what we acquire through our achievements, but in connecting with others through whatever way we can, and creating memories that we can cherish throughout our lives. I think this constant awareness of our participation in the race and that of the process which forces our participation is something that can only come with age. And that’s just plain tragic. It’s tragic because our experiences during the formative years shape us for life in many ways. The onus then lies on parents, teachers, tutors and others who influence children during their formative years to show them things for what they are, in a manner appropriate for children. Stressing group activities, talking about our life outside academics are just a couple of ways we can make it easier for children in their formative years.
College and the later years were no different. Right after high school, I spent the next few years preparing for engineering entrance examinations. I still shudder thinking about those years, when I hustled day in and day out trying to ace my mock tests, failing, then trying again, then failing again, then trying again, improving my score a little, and realizing how I wanted to get away from it all. Back then, achievement meant getting into a top-tier engineering college and doing whatever it took to do so. Now, I realize that my definition of achievement was misplaced — achievement should have meant figuring out what I liked, and then working toward it, instead of going ahead with whatever everyone was doing. Achievement should have meant expending my mental energies on things that actually needed attention. Life is so much more than the universities we go to, and our grades. Only experience told me that people weren’t the equivalent of the universities they attended, the grades they got and the rest of their academics. People could be happy and content through their experiences and having much less than others. Now I know that I should have allowed more people into my lives, given others more chances, and tried to be a little kinder toward myself. Everything that was ‘not achievement’ contributed to that essential realization.
Corporate life continues to be a race, and with the society continually rewarding people who have a lot, it’s difficult to focus on what’s essential in life, despite gleaning lessons from the past experiences. At times I find myself a dual existence — one of chasing the corporate dream, and at the same time trying to stay rooted, to keep it all real. When you feel this pull from different directions on a visceral level, it’s easy to take the easy way out and allow things to continue as they always have, to not be able to feel that pull, and thus gain some kind of calm. Monetary achievements, the achievements of job titles — the world places a lot of emphasis on them. Different people have different priorities, and they should go after things that helps them become a better version of themselves. The real work should always be what excites us, what makes us feel that electric tingle, the one that you know I am talking about, because you’ve felt it yourself. Achievement then becomes bettering oneself doing what one loves doing, thus allowing more light into their lives.
I wrote about all of this at length because our perception of achievement has been skewed for a long time. We need to take stock of our lives often, instead of chasing illusory dreams continuously only to end up bitter and miserable. Our lives are what we do, but more importantly, they are also the moments in which our achievements take a backseat and allow us to breathe freely, like we haven’t in a long time.
